Well it’s been a few days since I last checked in, and I can confirm that this no sugar thing is getting really bloody difficult. When I first made the decision to quit sugar and white flour, I didn’t expect a year of smooth sailing, however, I do think I fooled myself into goddess like visions of health, happiness, yoga and culinary experimentation á la Ella Woodward, Madeline Shaw and the like. I believed radiance and calm would be bestowed upon me by simply saying goodbye to the white stuff, my skin would clear up, my clothes would gradually start to fit better and by the end of the year, many of you would secretly hate me as I’d essentially have become the perfect human being.
Instead I’m sitting here, exhausted. I’ve spent the past couple of days eating the most random of food, which has been thrown together out of sheer desperation. People are turning their noses up at my home-made lunches and that’s something that rarely happens – I usually take pride in my cooking. I have a massive spot brewing on my chin and I want to punch everybody in the face.
I accept that I’m crazy busy, both in and out of work (never try to buy a house) and pretty stressed to boot. I knew my early morning classes would be a challenge, but this is worse than I ever imagined. I was so tired last night that I somehow managed to lock myself out of Internet banking. Well not somehow, I was convinced the computer was wrong (it happens!) so went ahead and inputted the incorrect password three times, only to realise later that I’d been trying to type my UK password into my Irish account. Not smart.
I did my best on Monday. Even made some pesto because there was sugar in the jar I had in the fridge (Sainsburys taste the difference). I teamed it with some lovely salmon (thanks mum), olives and feta cheese, green beans and potatoes.
Making dinner that night I was so drained that I just gave up and lashed a load of soy sauce into my concoction, knowing full well there was sugar in it. At the time, I believe I reasoned with myself that I wasn’t going to leave a bottle of soy sauce sitting around for a year, so best to use it till it was gone and then not replace it. (Though clearly I didn’t feel the same about my pesto that afternoon). The meal was so awful looking I didn’t even dignify it with a photo. I believe it contained minced beef, peppers, scallions, carrots, rice noodles and a peanut/soy sauce/chilli flake concoction. It actually wasn’t as revolting as it looked but it certainly was not worthy of an instagram share!
Last night was pretty similar. I elected to use a stock cube that I knew contained sugar for the same reason I used the soy sauce. It was mixed with chicken, onion, garlic, broccoli, cauliflower, quinoa and cheese. Again, tasted ok but wasn’t up to much in the looks department and was a tad watery once served up.
I’m hoping at the weekend I’ll have a little more time to plan a few meals for the week ahead and perhaps even get some prep in. It’s clear that I have no energy for anything in the evenings right now so if I want to eat well (and maybe get those energy levels up) I have to prep smarter. The same mentality follows through for exercise. I’m so exhausted and don’t feel as though I have the capacity for running (or whatever I replace it with when the weather is crap) but the only way to get more energy (apart from a few early nights) is to just force myself to move. I know I’ll feel better for it. Although I did go out for a short little jog this morning and all I feel like now is having a little nap!
I guess usually I’d use food, mostly sugary, to help with flagging energy levels. Not being able to is proving very difficult, but I’m sure there’s a lesson in there somewhere. For now, I’ll stick with the water and maybe a coffee if I’m feeling really crazy. The twix I’ve been fantasizing about dipping into said coffee will have to wait another 49 weeks.
Hoping I’ll have better, more perkier sugar free things to report over the coming days,